I Imagined You and I
by homra-kid
Summary: I guess in the end, I just wasn't good enough for you. Now that it's ended for good, now that we've both paid the price, tell me how you feel now?


Imagined You and Me

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters in this story they belong respectfully to Square Enix.

**Warning:** Themes of shounen-ai/yaoi/homosexual relationships and whatever, you know all that good stuff, AU and also some mild OOC-ness… There will be various time skips as well. If any of this bothers you then you have the option of not reading.

**Summary:** I guess in the end, I just wasn't good enough for you. Now that it's ended for good, now that we've both paid the price, tell me how you feel now?

**Pairings:** Axel x Roxas & Axel x Reno with hints of Roxas x Riku

**Music:** "Stop Girl" by U-Kiss

**A/N: **There is so much drama going on that I need to vent and this is the only civil way I can think of. Please forgive me if I make any of you guys upset over this, I stumbled upon the ARR (Axel x Roxas x Reno) group on devianart and read some of the fanfics on there and Nijuuni's story, "The Purchase" broke my heart. I've been getting into a lot of Roxas x Axel x Reno lately ^^;; I'm going to admit that it's a very conflicting pairing for me to read but I still do it anyways. There is just so much anguish and yet at the same time people can write this off as a pretty hot pairing. I was inspired by Nijuuni's story but also because I'm in desperate need of way to express these conflicting emotions I'm feeling inside…

Please enjoy this story anyways, my awesome readers!

oooooo

Roxas stood there at the entrance to his bedroom with the door wide open. His feet were frozen in place, solid and unmoving—his once bright blue eyes, wide with horror and disbelief. The bedroom that he shared with his roommate, his best friend and lover—the man he'd love since the seventh grade—the man he knew since pre-school was laid out on _their_ bed with another man that wasn't him. _Why?_ He asked himself, repeating the word over and over in his head. _Why?_

Seeing the look of pure shock on the blonde's face, Axel couldn't think of any words to say. He had no excuse for what was happening—and even if he did, it seemed like the damage had already been done the moment Roxas laid eyes on his erotic stricken face. He didn't have anything to pull out of his ass this time and he knew very well that this wasn't going to end well.

The redhead between his legs with his mouth on his cock stopped his rapid suckles upon seeing the expression of sheer dread on his lover's face. Letting the other's member fall limp from between his lips, he looked over his shoulder slowly to see the cause of the other redhead's discomfort.

"So, we finally meet, _Roxas_," he says leisurely with a growing smirk, the blonde's name rolling off his tongue so sensually that it makes the younger boy shiver with disgust.

Biting his quivering lip, Roxas finally takes a step back—his eyes beginning to drown with tears. Suddenly they fell from his face, rolling off his cheeks and dropping heavily towards the cream colored carpet under his feet. He didn't know what to think and he didn't know what do to. No matter how hard he wished that what he was seeing was a dream, the tightening of his fist and the nails digging deeper and deeper into the palms of his hands told him otherwise.

Axel quickly tore his gaze from the smaller boy, venom green eyes narrowing in shame at his own mistakes.

"Oh? Well would you look at that, he's crying," the redhead teased but was quickly silenced when Axel chose the next moment to kick him in the shin.

"Reno…" he hissed.

"What?" the older man glared.

"Y-you—How could you?" Roxas finally spoke up, his voice broken and filled with hurt.

Staring sadly at the shaking blond, Axel tucked himself back into his pants before getting up off the bed to approach the traumatized boy standing in the doorway.

"Don't!" the blonde screamed and it stopped Axel right there in his tracks. Sniffling, Roxas quickly wiped the tears but it was all in vain as the salty droplets were replaced by new bigger tears and they continued to stream down his baby-like face. "How could you do this Axel? How could you do this to us?"

"Roxas…"

"No! Yo—you, you selfish, heartless, inconsiderate piece of shit!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, uncaring if whether or not the volume of his voice woke up all of the neighbors in their apartment complex.

Axel was startled beyond comprehension. Sure he and Roxas had fought on numerous occasions but the sheer amount of hate, of disappointment and anguish dripping from the blonde's words stunned him. Everything was spinning out of control, much too fast for him to keep up with all the things that were going on—the things that were surfacing into his mind.

At this point, Roxas felt himself begin to cry hysterically. The last thing he said was that it was over even though his heart felt otherwise but it hurt too much for him to listen to the poor organ beating hastily in a panic of anxiety. The next thing he knew was that he was running out of the apartment, running from Axel's voice and driving away like a mad man from all of the pain in his home without a proper overnight bag. Soon enough, he made it safely to his cousin Sora's house and not a moment was wasted that he threw himself into the arms of the closest human being once the front door was opened for him—Riku.

The silverette was shocked the very second the crying blond boy made contact with his body. Feeling the other's face press deep into his broad chest and moisture begin to soak into his white shirt, Riku gave in with a worried sigh and with some reluctance embraced the pained stricken blond tightly in his arms.

-x-x-x-x-

Three months. Three months of not waking up to a head of soft blond spikey hair next to him in bed. Three months of not being able to kiss the said boy good morning or good night. No more 'I love you's', no more spontaneous hugs or smiles. No more anything from the boy he had loved for god knows how long.

Shortly after Roxas' departure, Riku and Sora came storming into the apartment the very next day. His beloved blond was nowhere in sight to his disappointment and just like Sora had yelled at him, there was nothing he could do to neither explain nor change the younger boy's mind.

When his ex-boyfriend's belongings were packed away and hauled out to the car, Riku stayed behind for but a few short seconds. It was the perfect amount of time for him to knock the redhead down and give him a big old shiner smack dab on his right cheek. With an arrogant huff and the flip of his silver hair, Riku departed without another word, leaving Axel sprawled out on the ground with a throbbing headache and a tender cheek.

Since then, Axel had not seen nor heard of anything from the three boys who he grew up with. All he had left was Reno but his presence alone wasn't enough to fill the dark void within his heart. Even if the other redhead moved into his place, even if he received kisses, received blow jobs or a good fuck—it wasn't enough, it never was enough because it wasn't Roxas.

_Why'd I do it? Why'd I cheat on him?_ He asked himself repeatedly, day after day but he came up with nothing, other than the fact that he had grown lonely and frustrated with Roxas for a very long time.

The blond had a passionate career in the art industry, always working extra hours and supervising the work that was produced by his subordinates. Even when he was at home he was doing work in the guest room which had been converted into his own personal studio but now that room was empty and void of the blonde's existence.

He had become jealous of Roxas' career and to numb the loneliness he felt, he met Reno. Originally it had been a mistake, a one night's stand during Roxas' business trip out to the headquarters' of his company in Radiant Garden. But that one night's stand became frequent, once every other week, then every weekend to every other day or whenever Roxas just wasn't around. Axel didn't know how to stop the encounters, the drinking, the sex—everything about Reno was everything that Roxas wasn't and when Roxas couldn't abide to his needs, Reno was there to step in.

And now, now he had lost everything that was Roxas, everything that had once screamed love and security was no longer within his reach. Everything he once held so dearly, was gone and out of sight.

-x-x-x-x-

It was a cold day in December—the air was nipping at his face and every part of his body that wasn't covered in thick layers of clothes became numb and itchy. He was out with Reno doing whatever it was they needed to do, which was grocery shopping since they had apparently run out of a couple of things and coffee was a must have on the other redhead's list. They still had time to kill afterwards when they had finished and just for the heck of it, they visited the downtown area to do some window shopping since Christmas was coming up.

Reno was obviously in high spirits with all of the decorations and lights littering the entire area but Axel thought otherwise, his expression radiating with boredom and fatigue.

Axel's bright green eyes no longer held that glow of mischievous he was so well known for. Since being dumped for cheating—the glint has long since died and was replayed by something duller and colder. Reno was no fool to the other's change; however he didn't bother to bring up the problem either. Instead, he sat back and watched, allowing time itself to be Axel's main source of recovery.

As they neared an intersection together, Axel stopped in his tracks—his green eyes following a head of spikey blond hair. The way it looked from the back and swept off to the side startled him and a sense of familiarity began to overtake his senses. It couldn't be, he thought at first but upon closer inspection and rubbing his eyes for good measure there was no mistaking the person as another pedestrian, a young man with long silver hair joined the blond and wrapped a protective arm around the other's waist.

"Roxas…" he said under his breath, his eyes locked solely on the pair as they came to a stop and waited to cross the street.

Watching the interaction between them—he was shocked to see how well Roxas and Riku were getting along with each other. Yet as he continued to observe them, the way the silverette's fingers dipped into the curled strands of wheat colored hair to urge the blond closer to him, it suddenly dawned over Axel that the relationship between them had grown beyond friendship.

The pang in the redhead's chest grew; intensifying as his fear became a reality the moment Riku leaned into Roxas' face to press a chaste kiss against his lips. In that moment, Axel could feel his heart begin to break—cracking slowly into hundreds and hundreds of lines.

"Axel?" Reno shook him but the discovery of seeing Riku and Roxas together was far too great for the other redhead to notice.

"What have I done?..."

"Excuse me?" Reno asked, his brows knitted tightly together.

"I—I lost the best thing that had ever happened to me because I couldn't keep it in my pants—and, and now he's—," Choking back a sob, Axel gripped his stomach tightly as he bit his quivering lip. Bending over slowly, he inhaled sharply, his vision going blurry now that they were filling with tears. "He's gone, he's gone for good…"

Looking back up at the retreating couple as they crossed the street together hand in hand, Axel's knees finally bucked and he fell to the ground in a sobbing heap. "It's too late to say sorry and now I can't get him back… I can't get Roxas back…" he cried over and over again in the middle of the sidewalk until his voice became hoarse with grief.

**A/N: **That was the first time I wrote something so heartbreaking… I'm sorry for those of you who were hoping for a happier scenario ):I'm still in a depressed mood even after finishing this short drabble. -sigh- Originally, I was going to have Roxas be killed in a car accident as he was crossing the street but after much debate with myself I just didn't want to hurt my OTP more than I already did by doing that.

I'll try to write something happier in the future you guys and thank you for taking the time to read my story if you did.


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